The mixtapes

I would have never found myself listening to mixtapes that Maddie made me over a year ago.

But in a weird series of events, here am I.

The mixtapes just sat there.

Untouched.

I was naive. Inconsiderate. Blind.

As I am currently listening to these songs that Maddie compiled for me, the rough part of this experience lies... in every word that I so carelessly, and inconsiderately looked past.

My realization comes a bit somber.

As I'm trying to answer my own questions. Reminiscing, for the most part.

Why couldn't I appreciate all of this when it actually mattered?

When it meant everything.

And how can someone take so much for granted?

I guess I'm living proof, that its possible.

The Disclaimer: This isn't some immature act of desperation. Nor a plea for some second chance.

Its not about that. It hasn't been about that for a while. And it may have been a desperate attempt at one point in time, especially if this was being written months and months ago. I wouldn't lie about that.

But I'm past it, for the most part.

And anyone who doubts me, has every right in the world to.

Its taken a great bit of time for me to get past Maddie.

And just as much time to regain my credibility to people, when I say we're just friends.

But at this very moment in time, I speak with a sort of positivity.

Forward thinking? I guess? I don't really know how to describe it. Haha.

But I'm honestly compelled by how things have turned out. And how they will end up.

Maybe, my luck is nearing the bend.

I think it is. Lol. Who knows?

The Moral:

It's really difficult for me to avoid making the same mistakes twice.

I never change. I don't like change much.

But I am acknowledging my wrongs... right here.

And maybe this isn't the proper medium. (I know people will always question my intent.)

but...

I never want to take the simplest things for granted, ever again.

There's a lot of beauty in the liner details.

(I'll have to thank you in person for showing me that, Maddie. If for some goddamn reason, you happen to read this before we actually talk about it. Haha.)

Listening to:

San Diego Mix

The Sleep Mix (*The Trapeze Swinger by Iron & Wine)

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