I thought I finished my thought, and posted it.
But funny thing is that I didn't.
I suppose I didn't finish it, because I wanted clear evidence to prove my theory.
Here's what I wrote:
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"On and on, reckless abandon"
(There's a positive light to this post. Trust me.)------------------------------
In a evaluation of myself and my current well being...
(which I think about on more than one occasion)
(truthfully, its a daily occurrence)
...I've realized how my attention and "care" for things, that I normally care about, tend to differ when shit hits the fan.
Similar to a system overload, my mind shuts down. And I just act in the now.
No thinking, what so ever.
And not to dwell on the past (which I'm really not), but a couple months ago I was a vivacious and a (more) determined person.
(I say "more", cause I don't want to get ahead of myself. Or lie. Lol)
But it was the end of summer, I got all my partying out of my system.
Partying (every other day) was starting to get a little blasé.
Besides the point, I suppose.
Continuing what I wrote...
I started having feelings for Miss Wendy Rucci.
My involvement with this free spirited, yet enigma of a girl, rendered my inability to accomplish the littlest of things obsolete.
After a quite "adventurous" endeavor or fling, or whatever you want to call it, came to a unexpected halt.
I did, as expected, lose interest in the management of my life.
And once began, the peril of which I was in a year prior; when Maddie left for college.
Here's another example...
I was in 4th grade. There was a new girl in school, Kate Carey.
She was intoxicating, to say the least.
And she gave me every reason in the world, to never wanted to miss a day of school. Lol.
I remember how, I completely wanted to pick up my grades, because she had really good grades. Haha.
And I did.
I ended up making the Honor Roll, one quarter that 4th grade year.
(Who knows, I might have just made the Honor Roll that whole year, if we were a couple. Haha)
*The idea of making the Honor Roll prior to that moment, never seemed a reachable task.
Moral: I live for only love and lust. (In a sense, my renaissance and my death.)
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In the middle of August (when I was dating Wendy), I began a renovation of my living space.
Iono, I just felt like I needed everything to be new.
I felt inspired.
I (literally) spent a whole week taking down posters off my walls, and putting up a large body of my artwork.
I NEEDED to be surrounded by art, cause I wanted to work on art more often.
And bring it closer to my life.
Thus, it deemed necessary to strip down the old, and put up the new.
Part 1: Preparation
Part 2: Final Product
Part 3: Evidence To Which Motivation Is Driven By (The Idea of) Love
August 18, 2009 [During a relationship]
December 29, 2009 [Single, very single]
*After months of heat and wind from my fan. The adhesives holding all of my photographs and posters to the wall, wore down. Overtime pictures began to fall, as my relation with Wendy began to diminish and disappear from my mind. And equal to my room's decay was the decay of my health and organization.
There were even mornings, where I found photographs on top of me as I woke up.
And as the pile of photographs grew on my floor, I realized that I needed to cut the cord between my heart and my willpower.
Single or involved, I won't let it control my life.
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The (true) point is:
It's about to be 2010. And I've never really held a resolution.
Thus, my 2010 new year's resolution is to stay consistently focused.
Consistently organized.
Consistently creative.
Consistently positive.
Consistently inspired.
Consistently captivated by the days ahead of me.
And especially consistently fortunate to have been where I've been...
...and with whom I've been involved with.
I need to appreciate all my opportunities for they were worth.
[I need to shower now.]
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